ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
