i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
