If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
