At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
