Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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