I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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