i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
