Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
