i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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