dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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