I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
