is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
This is the prime rib incident all over again
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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