Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
