When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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