Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
