I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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