He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
