cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He kissed a someone with a penis
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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