Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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