You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
