hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
