i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Floor bacon is actually really good
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
