My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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