the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
