Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
