Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
