I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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