I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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