I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
