Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
