addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
