when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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