I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
