you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
