How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
