nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
