The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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