At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
you made out with another girl for some wings
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
