I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
