woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
