I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
this will be a night to untag.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
