Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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