Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
