yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Randomize
