A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
