I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
one two three fourrrrnication!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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