I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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