Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
