I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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