So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
