And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
