Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
